Biography[edit | edit source]

In his youth, Maltazard was a brave, proud and handsome Minimoy knight. He was known as Maltazard the Good, Maltazard the Bountiful, and He Who Watches and Protects, among other such titles. Even then, he towered head and shoulders over his fellows, which in his youth caused comments that perhaps his mother had fed him to much Gamoul's milk growing up, but he took such things in stride. He inspired such trust and confidence that the Minimoy king loved him like a son. When a horrible drought, one which lasted 1,000 Minimoy years, struck the land, Maltazard was selected to lead a small army of Minimoy soldiers into the wastelands beyond the Seven Kingdoms to seek water, much to the chagrin of the young Princess Selenia. He was praised and applauded as he left, Maltazard the Conqueror ! Nothing in his life prepared the young knight for what he and his men discovered; the desolate wastes, the ferocious beasts, the bloodthirsty tribes, all lurking in the depths of contaminated plateaus where even the gigantic humans dared not go. By the time he finally discovered a water source, Maltazard was the only member of his original contingent still alive, and his young mind had been twisted by his tragic experiances. He returned home with his goal of water, and all the riches he had reaped, carried on the backs of enslaved creatures and surrounded by an army of mercenaries. However, Matazard returned home to a changed world. While he had been away, his people had found a new hero, an outlander named Archibald. The stranger's scientific discoveries and strange philsophies caused the Minimoys to completely change their social structure...and warriors like Maltazard were no longer needed. Maltazard's force was disbanded, his slaves freed, his captured treasure divided among them, and the magic sword he had helped to create and spent entire days polishing to perfection had been driven into a stone from which even he could not remove it. When Maltazard complained of the whole fiasco to his old friend, Miro, the king's advisor, the old mole simply told him to at least try to read The Great Book, in which the Minimonys had collected Archibald's teachings. Maltazard adamently refused. He could not believe his people would even create such a thing without him there to include his own ideas. For months on end, Maltazard sought solace in various pubs, telling his story to anyone who would listen, each day sinking a bit further into anger and depression, until he began keeping company with the worst kind of insects...even poisonous ones, like a certain pretty, young weevil. One dark night, Maltazard was seduced by a female weevil who snuck a kiss from him, one single kiss that destroyed a life on the ropes. The mystic transfer of powers in a Minimoy's kiss twisted Maltazard's body, turning him into the poisonous, half-rotted wretch of a creature he is to this day.

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Trivia[edit | edit source]

He was voiced by the legendary British actor who is best known for portraying many villainous roles and the characters in the film David Bowie, who also played Lord Royal Highness from Sponge Bob Squarepants, and Himself from Zoolander as well as Jareth the Goblin King in Labyrinth.

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